Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
