so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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