ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
and you fell through a lawn chair
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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