to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
