i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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