This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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