She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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