I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
