is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
