scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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