someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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