goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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