She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
