i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
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