Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm like, not good at living.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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