you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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