I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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