dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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