I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
