Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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