paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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