At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
