And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
