Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
