You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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