Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
