question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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