kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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