She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
