Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
