she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
