i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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