The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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