He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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