I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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