i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
