Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
