is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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