if you like me you must not know who I am
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
