He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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