When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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