and you said cock pushups were impossible
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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