My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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