When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
