does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
no you cant smoke seaweed
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
