I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
