I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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