i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
