Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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