You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
