hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
