So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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