ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
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