I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
where am i from again
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
