we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize