I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
