mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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