Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
