i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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