I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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