Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
from now on my penis is your penis
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
