shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
