You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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