I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
