She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
