I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize