I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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